DeKalb shelter helps survivors of sexual violence Take Back the Night

DeKALB – As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, Zayden Rudd knows all too well about the trauma and pain that comes with it.

Not knowing initially how to make sense of his struggles, the DeKalb resident said he began to learn that his battle with depression and anxiety was actually better defined as complex post-traumatic stress disorder.

“Everyday I am fighting my own hyper vigilance and being mindful of the volume of my voice, the expression of my eyebrows, how much space I am taking up and how long my eyes linger,” Rudd said. “I have to use my coping skills and breathe, as I am met everyday with looks of mistrust, fear, rage and suspicion. I want to go up to these women and tell them that I understand. I know what it’s like. I have been hurt, too.”

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Marchers set out on their route Monday, April 7, 2025, during the Safe Passage Take Back the Night and Survivor Speak Out in Dekalb. The event is held in conjunction with Sexual Assault Awareness Month. (Mark Busch)

A DeKalb-based agency on Monday gave voice to survivors of domestic violence with a message for people to reflect upon as they embark on Sexual Assault Awareness Month in April: “Together We Act, United We Change”.

Safe Passage Inc., DeKalb County’s only shelter for those experiencing domestic violence, hosted its annual Take Back the Night March and Speak Out event. Safe Passage also provides counseling, legal advocacy and other services for survivors.

Safe Passage Executive Director Mary Ellen Schaid said it’s unfortunate that victims of sexual violence do not always feel comfortable coming forward to report their concerns.

“There’s a lot of reasons why people don’t want to tell anybody,” Schaid said. “There’s lot of reason why people don’t want to go to the police. There’s lot of reasons why people don’t want to have safe passage.”

“We just want you to know that we care about all of you. We want you to come get help, if you want it.”

—  Mary Ellen Schaid

Schaid cited statistics from Rape Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN), the nation’s largest anti-sexual violence organization, that show only 25 out of every 1,000 rapists will end up in prison for the crime they’ve committed.

“We just want you to know that we care about all of you,” Schaid said to survivors and advocates gathered. “We want you to come get help, if you want it. All of our services are free. They’re all confidential.”

Bri Cada, health and wellness navigator at Youth Outlook in DeKalb, said the rates of sexual violence are higher among members of the LGBTQ+ community.

A 2023 report from the National Sexual Violence Research Center shows that almost 80% of bisexual women and more than 56% of bisexual men reported experiencing sexual violence in their lifetimes. That’s compared to more than 53% of heterosexual women and 29% of heterosexual men reporting experiencing it. Data also shows that almost 60% of gay men and lesbian women reported experiencing sexual violence in their lifetimes.

Cada said they believe sexual violence comes down to systems that cause oppression, transphobia, racism, sexism and heterosexism.

“For those impacted by one or more of these systems, the risk of experiencing sexual violence increases,” Cada said.

Rochelle resident Holly Bonilla said she’s come a long way in her recovery from abuse in the last 10 years.

“Standing in front of a crowd talking about the fact that I was sexually assaulted and I’m not breaking down,” Bonilla said. “What? I was the girl that had no emotions. Love was disgusting. Nobody could be trusted. I was hurt with you, as I did what I wanted.”

Bonilla admitted she still has her struggles at times.

“I’m at a stage in my life where I am still working with my body,” Bonilla said. “I am learning to love hurt and it has been very hard after years of not.”

If there’s one thing people take away from her remarks, Bonilla said she hopes it’s a reminder that recovery is a journey and that it looks different for everyone.

“Every journey is at a very different pace, and your pace is what’s important,” Bonilla said. “Your comfort, your love, your support is what is important. And unfortunately, not everyone has access to the things that we do. ... That’s where having things, like Take Back the Night, is so important. And it makes me that much more grateful.”

Rudd said he would like everyone to know that men can be assaulted just like women, and he wants perpetrators held accountable.

According to RAINN, one in 33, or about 3% of American men have experienced an attempted or completed rape in their lifetime.

In closing his remarks, Rudd posed a series of questions to help people reflect on what they can do to help stave off toxic masculinity.

“If you know at least six men in your life, I want to invite you to start reflecting on these three questions,” Rudd said. “‘What am I doing to encourage a safe environment for them to share with me?’ ‘What kind of support can I provide if one of the men in my life opened up about their assaults?’ What jokes or comments do I make everyday that might close that door?’ ”