Communicate and connect with your partner

It’s a scene busy adults know all too well. Just a few quick text messages about one’s day. Having dinner in shifts to accommodate after school practice schedules, varying work schedules. Spending weekends shuttling children to dance practices, basketball and hockey games and sending your partner to another child’s day-long swim meet an hour’s drive away.

Life is busy and there may be days when partners lack the time to indulge in real communication, sharing ideas, stories and spending time together. Taking a step back and putting a concentrated effort on quality communications is very important, explains Kelly Jacobson, a licensed clinical social worker and founder of Stronger Therapeutic Counseling Service in Batavia and West Dundee.

Communication is more than reminding your partner to pick up bread. Keeping communication between partners is an ongoing process and if it falls too far into a rut, can be the start of other issues down the road. She finds that prevention can be more effective than repairs when it comes to relationships.

Jacobson, a former school social worker, launched her practice in 2017, starting with her first office in Batavia and expanding to a second location in West Dundee. Stronger Therapeutic Counseling Service supports individuals, age 14 and up, and offers family and couples counseling services as well.

For Jacobson, one of the best parts of launching her own practice has been the support it provides to her local communities. Beyond serving the clients in the practice she and the team members host seminars online and in-person. Information on their programming can be found on the practice’s social media pages.

In answering the question of how to improve one’s communication with their partner, Jacobson offers three tips and shares that these tips can also be transferred to all meaningful relationships we’re looking for improved communication and connection. It breaks down into making the effort, being present and intentional.

Improving communication

Make time to communicate with your partner with intention

Schedule time to talk. Life can be so busy. Setting a time to connect with the people that are most significant or meaningful to us, allows us to prioritize our relationships and how we feel within them. Having an intention for how you want to show up and feel in the communication can help to feel more a part of the conversation with your partner and keep on task in a meaningful way.

“Have in mind, ‘What is my intention for this conversation?’ and really listen to each other,” Jacobson explained.

Carving out time that’s quiet and when both of you can concentrate is important.

“If you have to schedule it to juggle it, that’s ok,” she added.

Think about how we respond to our partner

Are you and your partner feeling aligned in your values, Jacobson suggests considering. As life evolves Feelings can change, distractions can impede our relationships in already busy lives when we’re always on the go.

“Communicate in a way that feels aligned with our values,” Jacobson said. It’s important when we communicate with our partners that we think about our values together, she explained.

When two individuals communicate, it’s important to know they can feel safe expressing thoughts and feelings without those feelings getting dismissed or blown out of proportion, which can easily happen when we’re distracted in communication or overwhelmed in life. Let each other share their feelings, concerns and ideas and carefully consider how you can create that space.

Sometimes, a conversation calls for more than active listening. Reaching out a hand, a moment of brevity can help add connection to the conversation. Body language matters, from providing eye contact to sitting on a couch together are ways to connect beyond words.

Change the way you check in with your partner.

Break the monotony and find new ways to connect with your partner to improve your communication, Jacobson advises. It can be easy to tune someone out or just offer a standard reply, similar to asking a child, “How was school?” but Jacobson said taking a few minutes to check in with a new perspective and consider questions that feel unique or change course from the routine can yield a better connection, she said.

“Maybe instead of a question, like ‘How was your day? Start with ‘Tell me something about XYZ’ and you give a different opportunity for different information to come back,” Jacobson said.