Fight Thanksgiving holiday stress by relaxing expectations

Tips to enhance your holiday season by breaking with unwelcome convention are shared by the University of Illinois Extension’s Mary Liz Wright, a nutrition and wellness educator whose insights are liberating for those who dread weeks of added stress during already busy schedules.

“We put all of these expectations on ourselves,” Wright said. “We want everything perfect, and there is no perfect. And in trying to reach perfection, we kind of punish ourselves.”

As you make your list and check it twice, Wright said to think smarter, not harder. Her mantra is to keep it simple.

The first step in avoiding a harried last-minute panic is to plan early and dive right in.

“We want everything perfect, and there is no perfect. And in trying to reach perfection, we kind of punish ourselves.”

—  Mary Liz Wright, a nutrition and wellness educator

Hosts can shop ahead, because shelf-stable items can be bought weeks before a holiday gathering, and fresh items can be bought several days in advance.

“There’s no law against [serving] a couple things you’ve purchased,” Wright said of the festive meal, including the dessert. “There’s no rule that says you have to make rolls from scratch. … It’s about giving yourself permission. Just because you’ve always done [something] doesn’t mean you need to.”

When it comes to your family, “They just really want you – they don’t want a grouchy host, either,” Wright said.

A critical task remains to defrost the turkey on time, and Wright believes in building a safety cushion. With visuals on her social media, she talks about turkey needing 24 hours for every 5 pounds to thaw in the refrigerator.

She adds an extra day or two for insurance so there are no unwelcome surprises on the big day. Another option is to purchase an oven-ready or even a pre-cooked turkey. If you choose to bake a turkey breast rather than a whole bird, she said bone-in yields better-flavored broth.

Go to the Illinois Extension’s website, Turkey for the Holidays at web.extension.illinois.edu/turkey, for tips and recipes as well as fun activities for children. Plan for three-quarters of a pound of turkey per person. For Wright’s helpful hints on classic mashed potatoes, check out her quick video at tinyurl.com/2yas3xmz.

Add fun to holiday dinners

And to save time on the big day, cook ahead and reheat when possible. Or, assemble casseroles and refrigerate them uncooked to bake on the holiday.

A good way to lighten the host’s load is to assign tasks to family members and guests, and get everyone involved – even little ones can set the table, help stir or make place cards.

“Children love to be a part of things,” Wright said. “They have jokes about the children’s table, [but] get them involved in the preparation. Everybody can do something.”

Another time saver is to set the table the day before. And say yes when your guests offer to bring a dish.

Wright recalls a recent luncheon after which she volunteered to help with cleanup, but the host insisted guests stay seated and converse.

“If you all chip in, you can have it done in 15 minutes,” Wright said of the cleanup. “Then, the host isn’t left with a [mess]. No one minds. We put so much pressure on ourselves to do it all, and we can’t, nor should we.”

It’s also OK to push back the meal time and relax the timetable, allowing the chance to sleep in, have a leisurely breakfast and enjoy a late afternoon holiday meal.

Wright looks forward to a weekend Thanksgiving gathering with extended family.

“I always have people bring things,” she said, noting that they discussed the menu in advance. “We settled on soup and little sides. There’s nothing that says you must have the standard meal when extended family gathers around the table. Think of Charlie Brown [and the cartoon Peanuts gang]. They have toast and popcorn and candy. It doesn’t matter, because they have the best time ever. It doesn’t matter what’s on your table as much as who is around it.

“Be kind to yourself, and try and enjoy those moments that will never, ever happen again,” Wright said.

One of her family traditions for Thanksgiving is to use a tablecloth on which guests use permanent markers to write something they’re grateful for. And while some guests are no longer present, new ones are added. “It’s just special,” she said of the custom.

Holiday gift-giving also can be simplified if families choose to do so.

In lieu of exchanging presents, Wright’s family now votes on a charity, and everyone chips in.

“That’s our gift to the world or to a local entity,” she said.

One more of her simple and healthful suggestions is to get up and take a walk after the big holiday meal for some fresh air. It’s beneficial even if it’s a cloudy day, Wright said, adding, “They don’t call it the mediocre outdoors; they call it great for a reason.”