Silvy: Take back the North? The Bears can’t even snap the football correctly

One of my favorite “Seinfeld” episodes is called “The Boyfriend.”

George has a scam working with the unemployment office and wants Jerry to pretend his apartment is really Vandalay Industries. Kramer blows the ruse, and George comes running out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles in complete despair. Jerry looks at George shamefully and utters the memorable phrase, “And you want to be my latex salesman?!”

That’s how I feel about our Bears.

Scammed.

And you want to be our Super Bowl champions?!

You can’t even snap a football!

It’s the most basic thing that simply starts a football play. A snap.

Ryan Poles knew in the offseason that center was a weakness, and he ignored it.

Didn’t sign anyone at the position. Didn’t draft anyone there.

Now, the Bears can’t even begin a play correctly. And you want build a sustained winner?!

It’s tough enough to play quarterback.

Justin Fields has flaws, and they showed themselves again Sunday. He didn’t identify the blitzer on the very first play – his responsibility after 10 days to prepare. Sacked.

He missed DJ Moore wide open time and time again. One target in the entire first half after his career game against the Commanders. One catch from Fields all day.

And on the play Fields got hurt, he held the ball for over six seconds. Tom Thayer could be heard during the broadcast on ESPN 1000 frustratingly yelling “THROW IT!” in real time. The hit didn’t have to happen. The injury could’ve been avoided if Fields processed it correctly.

But maybe, just maybe, if Fields doesn’t have to do acrobatics to catch a snap, he could focus on doing the harder stuff of playing quarterback. Think about the mental gymnastics he’s doing in his head. Fields is facing the top blitzing team in the NFL and is trying to analyze things pre-snap, all while wondering if the snap is going go above his head, or into the dirt, or either side of him. Pee wee football stuff. And you want to be our modern-day Monsters of the Midway?!

There are basics in football that you learn as a fan if you ever want to win.

Executing the snap flawlessly shouldn’t be one of them. Duh!

It wasn’t just the the snaps that went awry, the offensive line had major blocking assignment malfunctions that led to Fields’ interception before the half and Tyson Bagent’s fumble. Matt Eberflus told us on the “Waddle & Silvy” show that it was player error and not the way the coaches teach it. But just like penalties and a lack of discipline that plague teams, it reflects poorly on Eberflus and his coaching staff.

There are clips of the Bears’ offense going around social media that make the team look like Keystone Kops. And we want this team to start a winning streak?!

Now it’s Bagent time.

Is Bagent another Purdy prototype?

Can he distribute the ball like a point guard in basketball and make the offense move? While not a stud athlete like Fields, does his processing come more naturally? Will he be one of the great finds for the Bears? All fair questions. Just not at the expense of Fields.

Poles needed to see Fields play for all 17 games to make the best offseason decision. Was Denver and Washington the start of something bigger, or was it just two good games against bad defenses, and was the Vikings game more of the norm? The next 11 games were needed to give Poles a better answer.

Bad luck? Of course.

But good teams usually create their own luck. The Bears are far from good.

Every script to becoming a decent football team includes the following: Protect your home field and win your division games.

The Bears haven’t won a game at Soldier Field since Sept. 25, 2022, against the Texans.

The Bears have lost 11 in a row in the NFC North, their last win coming Thanksgiving Day 2021 in Detroit. This obviously means that Eberflus is 0-8 as Bears head coach in the division. Not a single win. When Poles was hired, he claimed the Bears were “going to take the North and never give it back.” How are you ever going to take the division if you can’t win a single game?

And you want to be my latex salesman?!

• Marc Silverman shares his opinions on the Bears weekly for Shaw Local. Tune in and listen to the “Waddle & Silvy” show weekdays from 2 to 6 p.m. on ESPN 1000.