Oliver: For some of us, new ‘telephobia’ phenomenon has been a lifelong struggle

For someone who practically lived on the phone as teenager, it’s hard to believe that I developed telephone phobia.

I would spend hours talking about everything and nothing with my best friend, Robbie. I’d hunker down in my parents’ room where there was more privacy. After all, I didn’t want my kid brother, Joe, to hear any of my secrets. Not that I really had any, but still.

However, when I got older, I found that making phone calls became a lot harder. I suppose it’s even more ironic because I was a journalism student studying to be a newspaper reporter.

I have a vivid memory of sitting in the Kansas City Star newsroom as an intern and trying to psyche myself up to call someone for a story.

I’m not naturally one who likes to talk to people that I don’t know. It’s even worse when I’m calling someone to ask for something, in this case information.

Of course, most people were more than happy to speak with me, and I always managed to get the job done, but it was a struggle.

I’d sit at my desk and painstakingly write out every question I needed to ask, in part because it put off the inevitable phone call that I was dreading to make.

When it was time to switch over to copyediting, I found my niche. I could work with the words and stories that I enjoyed, and I didn’t have to make as many calls. The calls I did make were to ask reporters questions about their stories or to run something past a daytime editor.

This all changed when I was moved to the day side of the newspaper operation and was given the responsibility of not only managing reporters, but also fielding calls from readers, public officials and businesspeople. In that job, there really wasn’t any way to get around making and taking phone calls.

Now that I’m away from full-time newspaper work, I find I’ve reverting to my phone-phobic ways.

Apparently, though, I was ahead of my time. I ran across an article in BBC Science Focus that makes a case that young people these days are what’s being termed “telephobic.” So much of life today is done on our cellphones; however, making actual phone calls isn’t one of the things most people do anymore.

The article mentioned that this phenomenon has gotten worse as we’ve moved toward emails, texting and social media. Young people can “curate” how people view them through social media. Phone calls, on the other hand, make them feel more vulnerable and socially awkward.

Of course, that’s not the case for everyone. And this telephone phobia can be overcome.

The article offered some tips for overcoming telephobia:

Make micro-calls: Just like with other phobias, exposure therapy is the way to go. Perhaps a good place to start is to call a friend or relative for a 30-second call, then build up to more time over time. For me, it was having to take newsroom calls day after day. Eventually it became a lot easier.

Make brief notes before a call: An outline of what you want to say can take the fear out of a phone call. It could be as simple as a couple of points. As an intern, this was my strategy, and I’ve followed it ever since. If I have more than one thing I need to discuss, I’ll usually have a sticky note by my side, so I won’t forget something crucial.

Take perspective: This one is easier said than done. A lot of times, fear comes from a belief that we’re going to be judged or look foolish. People for the most part are too busy to be worried about critiquing us. You probably aren’t as awkward to them as you are to yourself.

Fake a smile: Researchers have found that people can “hear” a smile. So the key is to smile when we make phone calls. What this will do is subconsciously make us relax, which makes that phone call a bit easier.

With practice, phone calls really do become easier. And if you happen to be a good friend, you might find it hard to get me to hang up and put down the phone.

Some things never change.

• Joan Oliver is the former Northwest Herald assistant news editor. She has been associated with the Northwest Herald since 1990. She can be reached at jolivercolumn@gmail.com.