When Mother’s Day hurts: Will County residents share their stories

Mother’s Day might be a complicated day for mothers grieving the death of a child, especially when the death was violent or unexpected.

Some might know a grieving mom and be uncertain what to say. However people choose to approach grief, one thing about it remains true, according to Patrice Martin, director of grief support at Lightways Hospice and Serious Illness Care in Joliet.

“Grief demands to be felt,” Martin said.

Three Will County parents who lost adult children were willing to share their grief and hard-earned wisdom with mothers in similar situations.

“The pain is just starting to set in”

Sharyl Mathews of Joliet said her daughter Holly Mathews, 22, was killed Oct. 31, 2021, at a Halloween party three weeks after Sharyl Matthews’s mother died Oct. 6. Sunday is Sharyl Matthews’ second Mother’s Day without Holly Mathews.

“It’s hard,” Sharyl Mathews said. “All holidays are.”

Sharyl said holidays used to be “fun and full of life,” but now they are just quiet.

“[Holly] loved holidays. She loved spring. She loved being outside,” Sharyl said. “It’s hard, too because we had a fire in our house right before all this happened, right before the pandemic…so anything I find that belonged to her is a treasure.”

Sharyl said Holly became a certified nurse assistant before she graduated from Minooka High School in 2019, and that Holly wavered between becoming an arborist or a nurse.

Holly had been a Girl Scout, worked as a certified nursing assistant at Alden Estates as well as a lifeguard at Splash Station Waterpark. Eventually she took a job as an arborist at Arbor Tek Services in Joliet while engaging on the side in ballet, painting and horseback riding.

“It seems like last year I was just numb from everything. Now the pain is just starting to set in,” Sharyl said, adding, “She’s not coming home.”

Sharyl recalled how Holly held her hand during the loss of five babies – including a set of triplets – to miscarriage and the removal of a large tumor in Sharyl’s uterus.

Sharyl recalled Holly’s excitement when learning she would finally be a big sister. She said Holly went to all the prenatal appointments, not knowing whether her sister, Marci Mathews, “would make it.”

“She kept saying it was her baby,” Sharyl said. “She wanted to name her Petunia because I love pink petunias.”'

Sharyl believes people should take time grieving.

It seems like last year I was just numb from everything. Now the pain is just starting to set in. She’s not coming home.”

—  Sharyl Matthews

“Go slowly and try to get as many friends around you as possible,” Sharyl said. “That’s what helped us: having our friends and family around us.”

“We had no idea he was struggling”

Although Sunday will be Marianne Searing’s fourth Mother’s Day since she lost her son, Nate Searing, 25, to suicide on Feb. 9, 2020, dealing with the sense of loss hasn’t been any easier. Marianne said she can’t guess her feelings towards Mother’s Day until the day arrives.

“I was actually good last year until the girls started giving me gifts,” Marianne said of her daughters, Ashley and Hailey. “They gave me one from Nate and I lost it.”

Marianne said she thinks Ashley and Hailey miss Nate as much, if not more, because he was their brother.

“We have our good days and our bad days,” the Joliet mother said. “We’re having a lot more good days than bad days now because it has been four years. But we still miss him dearly. And things happen every day that remind us of him. It’s tough.”

Ashley Searing of Joliet opening RejuveNate – Plants & Wellness LLC in Crest Hill has helped the family tremendously, Marianne said.

The store pairs locally grown air purifying plants with custom-made, hand-painted pottery pieces, with the goal being to foster mental health and raise awareness of mental health.

“If you’d ask me 10 years ago if I’d be doing this, I’d have been like, ‘Are you kidding me?’” Marianne said.

How is RejuveNate helping Nate’s family adjust to his loss?

“We’re trying to spread the word that mental health is an issue and it needs to be more open,” Marianne said. “I believe doctors need to take it more seriously. I think doctors don’t take it as seriously as cancer. I mean, you can die from either.”

Marianne Searing said the need for mental health education is real. People need to know when help is needed, she said, adding that some people who are suffering “show a happy face. They hide it so well that we had no idea [Nate] was struggling.”

She wants people who are grieving to know living with it does get easier.

“I know that people say that,” Marianne said. “At first I didn’t believe it, but it’s the truth.”

“She was a good mom”

Bob Cawthon of Pennsylvania and former chair of Bolingbrook’s planning commission said he can’t predict how he’ll feel on Mother’s Day.

His daughter, Jenna Cawthon, 30, of Bolingbrook was a single mother of two boys before she was killed by a moving vehicle Feb. 22. She had been pushing her stalled vehicle off the road, Bob said.

Bob said she was on her way to work, and it was just like her to tend to her own vehicle.

“She was Daddy’s girl,” Bob said. “And I raised her to be independent.”

Bob said Jenna invested everything into her sons, Donvan, 13, and Devyn, 4 – especially Donovan, who was an only child for the first nine years of his life, he said.

“If Donovan wanted to be in sports, he was in sports. We just found a way to do it,” Bob said. “This will be a big deal for Donovan not to have his mother for Mother’s Day. His mother was his world.”

Bob said he sent flowers to the boys’ paternal grandmother, since this is her first year as a custodial grandparent. He said the boys now live with their father, who stays with his mother and grandmother.

“The boys will be all right,” Bob said.

Bob Cawthon also set up a GoFundMe account for his grandsons to help provide for their future now that their mother can’t.

“She was a good mom,” Bob said. “But she was not only a good mom, she was a good person.”

Bob said two Bible verses are helping him cope with his daughter’s loss.

Job 1:21: “The Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.”

Job 13:15: “Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him.”

Bob Cawthon said Job lost everything, including all 10 children.

“So I have prayed this: ‘God, I know you have a bigger plan,’” Bob said. “I’ll wait.”

To donate to “Help Jenna Cawthon’s Boys,” visit gofund.me/a85b522a.