Joliet grief camp helps kids cope with loss

A Joliet hospice recently held its annual four-day camp with 27 children who experienced a death in their families.

Lightways Hospice and Serious Illness Care’s “Peace of the Heart Children’s Grief Camp” ran from Aug. 7 to 10 at the Pilcher Park Nature Center in Joliet. The camp is free and supported by donations.

The campers, ages 7 to 13, learned grief-coping skills while engaging in traditional camp activities: nature exploration, games, crafts and other activities.

On the final day, campers and their families participated in a celebration of life service. The camp had eight grief counselors, 13 volunteers, two pet therapy dogs, five music therapists and two child life specialists.

We say that kids do ‘puddle-jumping’ in grief. Adults, when they’re grieving, feel like they’re drowning in a river. Kids can jump in and out of it.”

—  Patrice Martin, director of grief support at Lightways Hospice and Serious Illness Care in Joliet

Mazzi Zayed of Oak Forest learned about the camp because her father had received hospice services from Lightways. So she sent her two children, ages 7 and 9.

“I wanted them to connect with other children who were experiencing loss,” Zayed said. “I wanted them to know they’re not alone and that other children are going through the same thing and that their feelings were normal.”

Zayed said the drive to and from camp was 35 minutes each way, but she didn’t mind. Her children loved the camp, and the experience was “everything I expected it to be,” she said.

“They cried on the last day [because] they were so upset to be finished,” Zayed said.

Activities teach coping skills

Camp activities included kids learning about Ida, a polar bear whose best friend died; making rain sticks; and choosing colors based on their feelings, said Patrice Martin, director of grief support at Lightways. Campers then used those rain sticks for an activity called “thunderstorms and rainbows,” Martin said.

Campers also did a scavenger hunt with activities. The kids talked about a turtle’s protected hard shell, and then they discussed who their “comfort people” are, Martin said. Campers also discussed the five senses and how they, too, can bring comfort, Martin said.

The children learned the benefits of music for coping by participating in a drum circle and also performed team-building exercises such as moving a tennis ball from one pole to another with string, which taught them how to work as a group.

On the last day, campers wrote letters to their loved ones, and during the camp’s celebration of life, campers had the opportunity to talk about that special person.

How grief camps help kids

Martin said the Peace of the Heart Children’s Grief Camp is especially valuable to kids because many of them grieve differently than adults.

“We say that kids do ‘puddle-jumping’ in grief,” Martin said. “Adults, when they’re grieving, feel like they’re drowning in a river. Kids can jump in and out of it. They can feel their grief, but then they can look and feel normal again easier than we can.”

But kids also are more susceptible to secondary losses, Martin said.

“They don’t just lose their loved ones. Their lives change, too,” Martin said. “They might have to go to a new school, or they have different changes in the family after the death. They deal with a lot of changes and adjustments and often have more disruption to their lives, more things out of their control.”

Finally, kids don’t always want to verbally process their grief.

“It’s hard for kids, sometimes, to put things into words about how they’re feeling,” Martin said. “Often we see how they feel in their play and in their artworks.”

So in working with children who are grieving, the goal is to help them understand and express their emotions, Martin said.

“And not feel like something is wrong with them,” Martin said.

Know more about grief support

Lightways Hospice and Serious Illness Care offers grief support at no charge to anyone in the community who needs it, whether or not a loved one used its hospice services. Lightways offers in-person and virtual programs.

For information about grief support programs, visit lightways.org/griefsupport.

For individual support, call Patrice Martin, director of grief support at Lightways, at 815-460-3282.