Paperwork: Yes, sons yearn for a father’s pride, but there’s more …

Little posters often pop up in my daily Facebook scroll.

I lingered over this one because I know the people involved and the message punched me.

“You passed away before I had the chance to make you proud.”

I read those words a couple times and then went to the personal thoughts attached from Nathan:

“This hit me hard,” he said, referring to that one-sentence regret: “You passed away before I had the chance to make you proud.”

“Not a day passes I don’t wonder if I made my Dad proud. Am I the man, husband and father he had hoped I would be? It is so cliche, but life is so short and we need to cherish every moment. I don’t always do that.

“But, when I got this in a text from a friend who also lost his Dad at a young age, I paused. I thanked God for my blessings and the opportunity to be involved in our kids’ lives. Something my Dad wasn’t able to do. I was, however, blessed with another Dad who is one of the best humans I have ever known. A blessing.”

Nathan’s posting brought a strong reaction with support and understanding. He followed up with these thoughts:

“Thank you all for the likes and comments. Not at all what I expected when I posted that text. I posted and aired a piece of my heart just in case someone was holding a grudge too long, failing to communicate with loved ones or was hurting like me.

“I feel very undeserving of all the support, compliments and reassurance. Very grateful for all of you. Cherish every second!”

It’s been a while since I first saw this but it’s still stirring stuff up inside me. Nathan shared a powerful message but I keep coming back to this thing that lingers between fathers and sons. This pride thing.

I believe it’s true, that sons yearn for their father’s respect and pride. And I can relate.

I did not have a lot of “we” time with Dad as I was growing up. After he aged, retired and rolled into grandfather mode we got a lot closer. But the pride thing was an ache inside me. A yearning, I guess.

Dad was set in his ways – religion and politics – but I didn’t attack his beliefs and I ignored his jabs at the “liberal” media. He read my columns, saved them ... and graded them. I read his comments now and just smile. I wish he were here, still writing in the margins.

We understood each other, how we felt. But then I got the Christmas present years ago that now hangs as part of my library.

Dad made me a “shingle” that swings from an angle iron. He painted on one side: “Lonny Cain ... Journalist.” On the flip side he painted a paper scroll with these words: “St. Mark ... 1:11 ... And there came a voice from heaven, saying thou art my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.”

The iron was a shop project I made in seventh grade. Then years later I see it attached to words that I wanted to hear. I had no words. I wept.

All this flashed through me as I read Nathan’s thoughts that day. Then I began to think about my three sons. I’ve told them many times I am proud of them. I want them to know that. But there’s more.

To my sons, and Nathan and his friend I’d say it’s not just about making a father proud. It’s about each son – and daughters, too – reaching that stage in life when they are proud of themselves. Proud of their name. Proud of what they can and will do.

But mostly, proud of the person they have become.

Lonny Cain, retired managing editor of The Times in Ottawa, also was a reporter for The Herald-News in Joliet in the 1970s. His Paperwork email is lonnyjcain@gmail.com. Or mail The Times, 110 W. Jefferson St., Ottawa, IL 61350.