Spirit Matters: Don’t waste your life being someone you’re not

I change my mind often.

Like, all the time.

(That loud noise you hear is everyone who knows me well making sarcastic comments and concurring with my self-assessment. God bless their souls.)

Look, I get it.

Who wants to go along with someone who can’t make up their mind as to where to dine, much less which town to dine in, until we actually drive into the parking lot, put the vehicle in park, get out of the car and walk in the door?

Flipping a coin would be less traumatizing for everyone than giving me the choice of where to eat.

This indecisiveness, of course, isn’t limited to these decisions.

I won’t get into all the particulars of planning our wedding last year.

Suffice it to say, I was on the verge of being blacklisted from various shipping companies as I repeatedly returned packages that weren’t “quite right” when I saw them in person.

How many brides do you know order their shoes online the week of their wedding, fingers crossed that they will fit, after the pair she bought months before just weren’t “going to work”?

As it turns out, some benevolent being was on my side with that one. The shoes fit, and they turned out to fit the overall look much better than the originals.

I don’t know that you could technically call me a “bridezilla,” as I did it all with my usual warmth and kindness.

Except when a hairpiece I was going to order online was different than the one pictured, and the seller balked at canceling the order. I had to practice my assertiveness with that one and firmly balk right back.

The way I see it, this tendency to change my mind so much that everyone suffers is the shadow side of a personality quality that is endearing when exercised in more positive ways.

Whimsicality.

Merriam-Webster defines those who are whimsical as “subject to erratic behavior or unpredictable change.” That makes it sound pathological.

In truth, whimsy is a sense of playfulness and spontaneity.

It is the ability to not take things too seriously, although that doesn’t guarantee other aspects of my personality won’t take things too seriously.

Often, those who are whimsical are fantastical and filled with wonder.

Think “Alice in Wonderland.”

One beautiful way whimsy was part of my wedding was the tea party bridal shower my aunts and bridesmaids threw for me.

It was magical – at least in my eyes.

It generated a sense of wonder.

Anyone born with this quality will soon enough run into forces that try to reason this quality out of them – to make them grow up, be responsible and do what adults do. To be like everyone else.

The problem with this is doing what everyone else does is exactly the opposite of being one’s beautiful, whimsical self.

I know that life requires responsibility. But being responsible does not mean one most sacrifice the core of who they are. It might take some time to figure out the details, but it is possible to be responsible and be true to one’s whimsical nature.

By not being true to who one is and following her own north star, a serious case of depression or other maladies is certain to follow.

I say this based on my own difficult experience.

It has only been as I acquiesced to society’s expectations, and suffered through the darkness that followed, that I have come to a place in midlife where I am no longer living my life based on others’ expectations but happily living it from the playful, spirited, creative essence of my being.

One of my foundational values in life is and always has been authenticity. Even from my younger years, whenever I was around others or some behavior that did not jive with my internal compass, it was as though a big red flashing light and alarm would sound off inside of me.

I would like to say that I never ignored that warning, but that would not be the truth. Still, the inner sense of having violated my inner integrity often stopped me from doing whatever it was again.

My high school class has already lost far too many friends, their lives cut short often before they had a chance to start. When you reflect on your own life within this context, you feel blessed to still be alive.

You know nothing you have done has earned you the right to still exist while those you grew up with have not been so fortunate.

It becomes all the more urgent to make the most of whatever time you have left.

Poet Mary Oliver was an outspoken supporter of living a whimsical life. One of her most famous poems asks how the reader is going to live her “one wild and precious life.”

In respect to those gone too soon, it seems that if one were to renege on living this life as authentically as possible, it would be an insult to those who did not get the opportunity.

SPIRIT MATTERS is a weekly column by Jerrilyn Zavada Novak that examines experiences common to the human spirit. Contact her at jzblue33@yahoo.com.