Guest column: Having fun with the notable quotables

Insights and realities.

We’re not the funniest people in the world but we try to have fun as a family. Things happen, mistakes, positivities, weird stuff. One thing we track is funny expressions we make in talking to each other around the house. In the Grand Kitchenery of the Volker Manse, someplace past the third butler’s panties, we keep handy our super Notable Quotable Board.

This is Action Central. This is Chief Depository for the weird, funny things we say in everyday life. You know what I mean. The Fort Knox of Foolishness. So we have a simple piece of white cardboard taped on the kitchen wall just ready to receive our received wisdoms. So we can laugh at ourselves. Our Notable Quotables are great verbal concoctions, delectations of dissonant syllables and ideas, making jumblacious word salads. Here are some samples of the Volker Family Notable Quotables – Notable Confusions, really.

“I am trying to preload Destiny’s goodness.” (Speaking of trying to do some good home cooking).

“Don’t get run over. You’ve got the keys!” (said to son no. 1).

“I don’t think there’s a later, until you get to the now.” (OK. Seems deep).

So it’s really odd expressions – mishmashed mashups of words spoken just all-too-quickly. You know, like sometimes when you try to move too fast, you can trip on yourself coming and going. These wind up on the Notable Quotables. And sometimes just after you’ve said something zany, you know it’s a keeper. It belongs on the board.

“Close your hands, and put out your eyes.”

“But you’re literally Todd Volker!” (I don’t know what this means; I take this as compliment).

“Good conversation is a strength your mother and I have. She tells me off whenever she wants to.”

“Life is good, if you don’t pay attention.” (hmmm)

“Reddit is a chimp house.”

“The More you Do it, the Better you get.”

“I don’t know her well enough to make a diagnosis ... but I have theories!”

Dad: “What’s your mother babbling about?” – Son: “I don’t know, but it’s your fault.”

“In fitness, never be ashamed of where you’re at – at least you’re not on the couch.”

Now honestly I can’t say these are sparkling gems of wisdom, good and true for eternity. It’s just funny how words work: they can fit together well or they can fit together messily. Trying to explain things is work. Sometimes we’re lazy, sometimes we’re disconnected, sometimes we’re just sloppy. Our Notable Quotations is a splattered shotgun target of mixed up, messed up communications. It’s funny. It’s meant to be. We love it.

Todd Volker lives in Ottawa with his wife and son, and they enjoy reading, kayaking, hiking, tennis and camping. He’s a lifelong learner with books in his hands.