Spirit Matters: Nurturing the family ties that bind us together

This past week, my youngest brother turned 48 years old.

In two short years, he will hit the 50 mark, a threshold many of my friends, acquaintances and family members have crossed in the past few years. In fact, my next younger brother turned 50 at the beginning of September. He makes 50 look like 30. I hate him. Only kidding, of course.

As a child and young adult, my two younger brothers and I were fairly close with one another. They walked me down the aisle last year when I got married, since my late father couldn’t be there. With only two years separating me from my younger brother and two years separating him from the youngest, we were close together in school, and we all have weird senses of humor. We shared many inside jokes as we grew up, and still do. We also experienced together the loss of our cousin Chris when he was 12 years old, with whom we all were very bonded. That kind of experience so early in life has a way of connecting you on a deep and lasting level, even if you rarely talk about it.

In a similar way, we are bonded strongly with our other cousins. Even before Chris died, our parents made it a priority for us to know each other and to spend time together. Between holidays, birthday parties, babysitting gigs and family vacations, our cousins in many ways are as close as siblings.

On Labor Day weekend, many of us met at Mona’s in Toluca for a family dinner, which has become customary. Before she got ill and died in 2014, our grandma often had us all out to her house after the Toluca Labor Day Parade. It’s one of those things you don’t realize how much you look forward to and cherish until it is no longer possible.

Last weekend, some of us cousins and aunts and uncles met up at the Streator Food Truck Festival. After this, we went to my oldest brother’s home and visited for a while. As we all are now well into our 40s and older with families and lives of our own, we don’t see each other as often as we used to, but when we do, the memories are bountiful, the good-natured ribbing is plentiful, and the laughter is loud.

And I do mean LOUD.

We have no shame when it comes to expressing humor.

Personally, as I have navigated the many changes in the last five to 10 years of my own life, like many people at this age, I have come to realize with more clarity what is most important.

Working yourself into the ground because that’s what you are “supposed” to do, without equal time for rest and leisure is a waste of the precious gift of life. Achieving great success and/or accolades is meaningless if you sacrifice relationships with the people who have been placed in your life to grow alongside.

These are the people who know you the best and have known you the longest. They are aware of your strengths, they know your weaknesses, and they aren’t afraid to call you out on them.

Even though you might have wildly different temperaments, personalities and lifestyles, there is an invisible thread that weaves you together. You might rarely see each other, and you might even be estranged from one another, but there is no ignoring the fact there are others walking around this planet who were born from the same flesh and blood as you. And that in itself is a wondrous thing to consider.

I realize family ties are complicated. Few of us were blessed with ideal circumstances, and for some, memories of family life are painful and disturbing for good reasons. Many people have such painful memories that they form a “family” of their own with their friends, where their shared values and interests bond them as tightly as any biological family.

When nurtured and tended, these ties can get us through the roller coaster of life. In the good times and the bad, the fun and the dark times, knowing there are others there to support you – and you them – can be the exact medicine our souls need.

SPIRIT MATTERS is a weekly column by Jerrilyn Zavada Novak that examines experiences common to the human spirit. Email her at jzblue33@yahoo.com.