Write Team: Let us have eyes to see

“Did you ever notice that every vice has its corresponding virtue?” So reflected my seasoned father as I was complaining about the faults I was discovering in my new farmer boss.

In other words, on the flip side of every perceived character weakness is a potential strength, and whether it is a strength or a weakness is a matter of degree, and might depend on your perspective.

In the case of my new boss, I began to see that his stubbornness corresponded to his valuable perseverance in adversity; his seemingly lackadaisical approach to life was related to his refreshing optimism; his reluctance to follow conventional farming practices reflected a deep and perceptive appreciation of history; and his tendency to get distracted from his work by long conversations was linked to his genuine and remarkable friendliness.

It may amuse you to discover that this new boss later became my husband of 21 years. I came to thoroughly know his strengths and weaknesses. I also came face to face with my own attributes, which my husband admired in me but which I sometimes carried to a fault.

I still encounter these issues in relationships with family and friends, though I think time and grace have mellowed me. My efficiency, when not balanced by compassion and understanding, can make me cold and harsh. My desire to see a job finished can result in hasty, unwise decisions. Management ability can translate into being too controlling with people. My independence can make me hard to get along with.

I am beginning to think that one of the keys to getting along with all kinds of people is seeking to understand and appreciate the strengths that correspond to their faults. Accepting a person as he is will get you a lot farther than wishing he were different.

I have found that many misunderstandings and hard feelings among people come from the inability to see something from another person’s point of view, the unwillingness to look for his true intentions. Also, as we begin to see our own faults more clearly we are less likely to be overly critical of others. This can be a very humbling experience.

We can actually bring out the best in others by accepting them and giving them the benefit of the doubt.

My grown sons now kid me about my naiveté when they were little, as I had assured a family friend who asked if I was concerned that the boys were getting in trouble when I wasn’t watching them every minute that, “Children will behave as you expect them to. My kids know I expect them to be responsible, so they will be.”

But I still stand by that principle: If you are looking for the best in people, you will encourage them. On the other hand, if you view their actions and motivations in a negative light, you will put a pall over all your interactions.

If we can view others and ourselves through the eyes of our Creator, then we can dwell together with understanding.

Winifred Hoffman, of Earlville is a farmer, breeder of dual-purpose cattle and a student of life. She can be reached at newsroom@mywebtimes.com .