PaperWork: Thoughts for all of us as the nation buries a president

A bit of Jimmy Carter’s legacy spilled into my world last week.

It came in the wake of the former president’s funeral and sparked a strong reaction from Jon Drummond, a friend and retired fellow writer who lives in Wheeling.

Jon did not get into Carter’s politics – before and after. His focus was on people and how they treat each other.

“I’m here to address something about the nature of friendships and experiences we share with others,” he posted on Facebook, adding the following:

“While watching Carter’s funeral, I was struck that two of the eulogies were written years ago by two of his close friends: the now late former President Gerald Ford and the late former Vice President Walter Mondale. Carter outlived them both, so the words of praise were delivered by their sons.

“News organizations keep prewritten obituaries on hand for politicians, celebrities and other public figures. These articles save time getting out the news of a death in a timely fashion. Eulogies and obituaries serve different purposes, but my point is that they can be written ahead of time.

“Having attended many funerals and memorial services and delivered eulogies for my mother and a beloved aunt and uncle, I am often deeply touched by the praise and fond memories people share.

“Eulogies are public by definition, but what if we share those words with our friends and special people in our lives while they are still alive? Has anyone ever done that for you? Did you find joy knowing that you have or had a positive effect on their lives?

“Perhaps you might need to explain that you are not dying and you do not assume they are; you are just being appreciative.

“Obviously, this is not a new concept. Today’s funeral just reminded me that I want important people in my life to know how much they mean or meant to me. The popular expression, ‘Appreciate you, friend,’ is a start, but in some cases, it does not go far enough for me.

“I highly respected President Carter and revere his legacy. We weren’t close friends, but I think I would have liked a chance to thank him personally for making those differences that made my life better.”

Jon’s words reminded me of eulogies I have given at funerals but also some I shared publicly through this column. Many were printed after a friend or family member had died.

Then a longtime, close friend nudged me to write eulogies earlier, so the individual could read them and know how important they were to me – and others. I followed his advice and soon after I wrote about him and the impact he had on my life. He was able to read it before he passed in 2020.

And now ... Jon has reminded me that telling others how you feel does not require a formal eulogy. You can tell them in person, of course. But I can say from experience that writing it out brings an important personal release of feelings and things unsaid. It does not have to be published to be important but on paper, it becomes part of the record, part of their life story. It’s easy to reread or share. It’s a gift.

Yes, a gift. Which goes to the question Jon asked. Would I find joy in knowing I had a positive effect on someone’s life?

Oh yes. Yes. When I retired from the newsroom I worked in for 30 years, the staff designed two framed newspaper pages full of their comments. When I reread what they said it puts a gold finish on years of change and deadlines and watching talented people do amazing work on something that mattered – to them and the community.

Yes, sharing honest feelings is a gift. I think Jimmy Carter gave that gift. Maybe it’s the perfect gift when birthdays roll around for a close friend or family member ... or your partner in life.

There are many people in my life who are important to me. Do they know that? Probably. But there should be more. There’s probably a story that should be told and remembered.

Yeah, put it in writing. For them to read. While they can.

• Lonny Cain, retired managing editor of The Times in Ottawa, also was a reporter for The Herald-News in Joliet in the 1970s. His PaperWork email is lonnyjcain@gmail.com. Or mail The Times, 110 W. Jefferson St., Ottawa, IL 61350.