Cryptid (NOUN): an animal (such as Sasquatch or the Loch Ness Monster) that has been claimed to exist, but never proven to exist.
“What’s your favorite cryptid?”
Ask an Average Joe/Josephine on the street that question, and chances are good they’ll name one of the Bad Boys of Cryptozoology, like Bigfoot or Nessie (technically a Bad Girl, but you know what I mean).
In recent years, thanks to the Internet and the Richard Gere film, my personal fave, Mothman, has also become a household name. (As well as a giant statue with buns of literal steel in his hometown of Point Pleasant, West Virginia.)
But there are so many other cryptids yet to achieve that sort of rock star status. Fans of the supernatural know them, perhaps, but outside of those circles? They’re unknown as well as unsubstantiated.
So this week, I wanted to shine a little light — *bats away an eager Mothman* — on the best beasties you may not have heard of, starting with:
1. The Loveland Frogman
In its heyday, the little town of Loveland, Ohio, was a hot vacation spot for the wealthy. But nowadays its biggest claim to fame is arguably this amphibious (or perhaps reptilian) creature.
Local folklore says it was first spotted in 1955 by a traveling businessman, who actually saw three Frogmen standing by the side of the road (or perhaps near a bridge). The creatures were between 3 and 4 feet tall, with scaly skin and froggy faces; a version of the tale says one of the creatures was holding a wand that emitted sparks (a wizard Frogman)!
However, the most famous tale of the Loveland Frogman dates to 1972, when police officer Ray Shockey sighted the creature crossing the road in front of his car; it then stood erect to climb over a guardrail before disappearing into the river.
Two weeks later, another officer, Mark Matthews, reportedly encountered the creature and shot it dead. According to Matthews, it was merely an iguana (probably an escaped pet) that had lost its tail, which had made immediate identification difficult. Still, the stories of a frog-like creature persist ...
2. The Skunk Ape
Florida has become synonymous with the weird and the bizarre, thanks in large part to the viral “Florida Man” memes we all know and laugh at. So it’s only fitting the state’s biggest cryptid is strange and a little silly: a giant and extremely odiferous orangutan-like creature that, according to one set of witnesses, steals apples off of porches.
Which may not be the most shocking thing a cryptid has ever done, but at least that proves the Skunk Ape isn’t a carnivore – and far less dangerous than the average Florida Man.
3. The Lizard Man of Scape Ore Swamp
The first sighting of this 7-foot-tall scaly humanoid sure was a dramatic one. Christopher Davis was only 17 in 1988 when he was charged by the creature while changing a tire in South Carolina. The boy managed to escape, but his car sustained damage that backed up his story: a busted side-view mirror and deep claw marks across the metal roof.
Other sightings were reported in the following months, enough to make the local authorities believe something was chasing folks and damaging their cars – but the general consensus was it had to be a bear. Plaster casts were made of giant three-toed footprints found, but the prints were ultimately deemed “unclassifiable” ...
4. The Grootslang
America isn’t the only place teeming with cryptids. The Grootslang/Grote Slang hails from South Africa, and resembles a massive snake. And when I say massive, I mean on par with the Midgard Serpent of Norse mythology, a snake as old as the world itself that’s capable of swallowing elephants – its preferred meal – whole.
The Grootslang lives in the deep caverns honeycombing South Africa, and hoards gemstones like a dragon. Should you encounter one, it’s believed you can use diamonds to bribe them to spare your life, so I suppose any spelunkers in the area had better be extremely wealthy ones ...
5. The Lusca
Ariel and her fishy friends make life “under the sea” sound just grand with their highly choreographed musical numbers, but the Lusca is not something you’d want to encounter while snorkeling.
This giant octopus/squid/cuttlefish hybrid guards the blue holes (tidal sinkholes) of the Bahamas, and has reportedly swallowed entire boats whole like the krakens reported by salty sailors of old.
6. Fresno Nightcrawlers
You know what’s really scary?
Pants that walk by themselves.
Fresno Nightcrawlers are among the youngest cryptids out there, having first been caught on a Californian security camera in 2007, and they’re definitely one of the silliest/most harmless.
And I absolutely adore them. Ghostly white, Nightcrawlers truly look like a pair of high-waisted, somewhat puffy pants that decided to go for a slow strut down the street after dark. The video clips that have surfaced of the ambulatory sweats show at least two strolling along together, which is honestly very sweet – a walk is always nicer when you have a friend along to chat with.
7. The Mapinguari
OK, so picture a sloth.
A really, really big sloth.
No, bigger.
Picture a giant ground sloth, like the kind that (very slowly) roamed the earth during the last Ice Age.
Now make it stand upright. Put a huge, toothy mouth in the middle of its stomach. Turn its feet around so it leaves backwards footprints. Give it reddish fur. Oh, and make it a cyclops with big sticky-out ears.
Ta da! You have a mapinguari, a Brazilian spirit/monster that guards the jungle, sort of like a funnier-looking, hat-less Smoky the Bear.
8. The Flatwoods Monster
Flatwoods is arguably the most stylish of cryptids, with her massive spade-shaped head, bright red face and eyes, sharp shoulderpads Jem and the Holograms would’ve killed for, and flowing green skirt. Physically imposing, she stood at least 10 feet tall according to some, and yet had dainty clawed hands. If you saw this gal stalking down the catwalk, you’d no doubt be impressed.
Some insist Flatwoods was an alien who crash-landed on a West Virginian farm in 1952, while skeptics believe the excitable witnesses merely saw a meteorite fall, and then were startled by, and misidentified, a large barn owl in the wake of the event.
All I have to say is, I think it’s quite a leap to go from “barn owl” to “10-foot-tall fashionista.” And it’s quite fun to picture Flatwoods and Mothman – West Virginia neighbors separated by little more than a decade – on a date at a drive-in, enjoying some popcorn and a schlocky alien flick.
ANGIE BARRY is a contributing columnist for Shaw Media. To suggest future topics for The B-List, which covers topics in pop culture, history and literature, contact her at newsroom@mywebtimes.com.